Charlie Sheen’s Rants of the Future

By Banzay on 18:36

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Billionaire extrovert Mark Cuban has approached Twitter’s Charlie Sheen about filming something for HDNet, Cuban’s cable network. “We’ll do something together, but it’s not certain it will be a show,” the Dallas Mavericks owner told ESPN yesterday evening. “It’ll come down to what he wants do and what his situation is.”

To answer your question: Cuban did indeed see Saturday’s inaugural episode of Sheen’s Korner, the former actor’s rudderless, shark-jumping Web series. And to answer your next question: Cuban thought it was fine. And to answer your next question: yes, really. “The thing I like the most about Charlie is that he just loves to mess with the media. You guys fall hook, line and sinker,” Cuban said.

Assuming the nascent Cuban-Sheen project is a great success resulting in tremendous financial gains for both parties, what insults will Sheen inevitably direct toward Cuban in an open letter to the readers of TMZ? Some thoughts on the matter:

• Sheen’s invectives against Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre often took the form of Sheen reminding Lorre how rich Sheen is and how much Lorre depends on Sheen. “You can tell him one thing: I own him,” for example. This is not going to really work with Cuban, whose net worth is $2.4 billion. In 2008, Sheen’s own net worth, according to his prenup with Brooke Mueller, was $16.1 million. The lighting design of Sheen’s Korner does not appear to have put too much of a dent in that.

• Mark Cuban’s given name is Mark Cuban. Sheen might call him Moshe Cubanstein, although he would have even less justification for doing so.

• Of Lorre, Sheen said, “I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly, I have defeated this earthworm with my words; imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.” That all works from an internal-consistency standpoint.

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