‘Bachelorette’ a real live girl!
In Monday’s Word, we made a joke about Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski of “The Bachelorette” being in a “fake relationship.” Our rationale behind making that claim was because 1: What reality TV show couple isn’t just a tiny bit fake? And 2: Because People magazine quoted Harris as saying, “I’m looking forward to … making dinners, waking up early, cleaning house.” So we joked: “‘Cleaning house’ is ‘perfect?’ Yeah, total fakery. What real woman would say that?’”
Imagine our surprise when we received an e-mail from the “Bachelorette” herself in our inbox. “Just thought I would drop you a line to let you know that my relationship with Ed isn’t fake, and neither am I,” she wrote to us. “I AM [sic] looking forward to cleaning house. I am extremely successful in life, because I am positive, I have a big heart, because I take pride in my home, family, friends and energy … Take it from me sweetheart, your tone, opinions and negativity do not help one prosper in life.”
We’re sure that negativity does not help one prosper in life. Instead, we’ll just have to simulate having sex with someone in a hot tub on national television like Harris did on “The Bachelor.” Are we right, or are we right, Jillian?

Avril splits
Let’s go in the way-back machine, shall we, to when Avril Lavigne was just 21 and she married Deryck Whibley, a then-wise 26. It was a marriage made in mall rat heaven, it seemed, until, of course, the inevitable news came yesterday that despite their deep and mature three-year love for each other, they are going to split. Us Weekly reports that “divorce papers will be filed any day now” and that the break was initiated by Lavigne, now almost 25. “She dumped him and told him she was leaving him. She wants to move on,” a source told the mag.